Category: cray

Shadow Theatre Group

This performance was on Britain’s Got Talent 2013. This is such an amazing video.

 

Running

When I was little I was equal parts tomboy and girly girl. Over the years I seemed to have gottent rid of the tomboy part of myself. I played softball one year in middle school and I hated it. I suppose I’ve just never found anything that has kept me interested. Except gymnastics, but the whole doing a flip in the air and landing on a bar and not killing yourself really terrifies me.

As I’m nearing 30, it has become more evident that this tiny petite body I’ve always had won’t stay long if I don’t work at it. Overall I eat pretty healthy. I love all things cake and cupcakes, but in moderation. Not that I’ve noticed gravity taking place, but I want to be lean and tone. Jiggles aren’t cute. There’s no other way to say it. I’ve always been the girl that thought..

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In order to expand my horizons, my BFF decided we needed to participate in C25K. I actually agreed to do it! I figured that it would be fun to do little 5Ks in other cities. That way not only are we being all healthy and stuff, we get to travel and see different cities. It’s a win win, right? c25k

We decided a few weeks ago to actually go through with it and last night was our first night preparing. It honestly wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. At times I could feel my calves getting sore, but I wasn’t dying. I was pretty happy when it was over though. I’m a little sore today, but I was also sore from dancing over the weekend. Tonight is night 2. It’s a little scary to think that I can actually do a 5K.

My first walk/run is this weekend. My coworker’s wife asked us all to participate in an event for Lekotek. It’s a walk/run for 4 miles, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Wish me luck!

50 Shades Too Close

Remember this post where I said I was obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey? When I wrote that I was still in the first book. Now that I am done with the third book, there are a lot of similarities between me and Ana and my ex and Christian. I don’t mean that he used to inflict pain on me when we were in the bed. Mostly just Christian’s issues.. Here are some quotes that hit too close to home. It’s like E.L. was a fly on the wall in my relationship. It’s unnerving.

He thinks I might leave if I know him. He thinks that I might leave if he’s himself. Oh, this man is so complicated.  

“Okay,” I mumble, completely bemused, bewildered, and shell-shocked. He leans over my desk. What now? I am caught in his hypnotic gaze. “Love doing business with you, Mrs. Grey.” He leans in closer as I sit paralyzed, and he plants a soft tender kiss on my lips. “Laters baby,” he murmurs. He stands abruptly, winks at me, and leaves. I lay my head on my desk, feeling like I’ve been run over by a freight train – the freight train that is my beloved husband. He has to be the most frustrating, annoying, contrary man on the planet. I sit up and frantically rub my eyes. What have I just agreed to? 
Can I see him again? Could I bear it? Do I want to see him? I close my eyes and tilt my head back as grief and longing lance through me. Of course I do. Perhaps-perhaps I can tell him I’ve changed my mind … No, no, no. I cannot be with someone who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on me, someone who can’t love me. Torturous memories flash through my mind-the gliding, holding hands, kissing, the bathtub, his gentleness, his humor, and his dark, brooding, sexy stare. I miss him. It’s been five days, five days of agony that has felt like an eternity. I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing I hadn’t walked out, wishing that he could be different, wishing that we were together. How long will this hideous overwhelming feeling last? I am in purgatory. I wrap my arms around my body, hugging myself tightly, holding myself together. I miss him. I really miss him…I love him. Simple.
I should run, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him on some deep, elemental level that I can’t begin to understand.
 
I shrug, trapped. I don’t want to lose him. In spite of all his demands, his need to control, his scary vices. I have never felt as alive as I do now. It’s a thrill to be sitting here beside him. He’s so unpredictable, sexy, smart, and funny. But his moods… oh – and he wants to hurt me. He says he’ll think about my reservations, but it still scares me. I close my eyes. What can I say? Deep down I would just like more, more affection, more playful Christian, more… love.
 
We’re coming near to the end of the bridge, and the road is once more bathed in the neon light of the street lamps so his face is intermittently in the light and the dark. And it’s such a fitting metaphor. This man, whom I once thought of as a romantic hero, a brave shining white knight—or the dark knight, as he said. He’s not a hero; he’s a man with serious, deep emotional flaws, and he’s dragging me into the dark. Can I not guide him into the light?
 
I raise my eyebrows. “You’re going to settle for plain old vanilla?” He cocks his head to one side. “Nothing plain or old about vanilla – it’s a very intriguing flavor,” he breathes.
What does Christian know about love? Seems he didn’t get the unconditional love he was entitled to during his very early years. My heart twists, and my mother’s words waft like a zephyr through my mind: Yes, Ana. Hell, what do you need? A neon sign flashing on his forehead? She thinks Christian loves me, but then she’s my mother, of course she’d think that. She thinks I deserve the best of everything. I frown. It’s true, and in a moment of startling clarity, I see it. It’s very simple; I want his love. I need Christian Grey to love me. This is why I am so reticent about our relationship – because on some basic, fundamental level, I recognize within me a deep-seated compulsion to be loved and cherished.
 
He gazes down at me, his eyes wide and panicked, and all we can hear is the steady stream of water as it flows over us in the shower. “You love me,” I whisper. His eyes widen further and his mouth opens. He takes a huge breath, as if winded. He looks tortured-vulnerable. “Yes,” he whispers. “I do.”
 
The sex is amazing, he’s wealthy, he’s beautiful, but this is all meaningless without his love, and the real heart-fail is that I don’t know if he’s capable of love. He doesn’t even love himself. I recall his self-loathing..
 
Pursing my lips, I strive to appear unaffected by his touch. He is so artful at diverting me from anything painful, or anything he doesn’t want to address. And you let him, my subconscious pipes up unhelpfully, gazing over her copy of Jane Eyre.

Trial That Should Have More Media Coverage

Thank God for blogging. I hadn’t heard about this terrifying case until I came across a blog that posted about it. I read the article with my hand over my mouth the entire time.  To think that SO many people overlooked it makes me feel sick. Who cares if the subject is touchy – what numerous people – his staff, hospitals, etc. – did was just wrong any way you look at it. I haven’t read any comments that addressed that issue. Makes me so sad there are so many horrible people out there! I pray that the Gosnells, his staff, and the government officials that did nothing will all have repercussions for their actions.

Why Dr. Kermit Gosnell’s Trial Should Be a Front-Page Story

The dead babies. The exploited women. The racism. The numerous governmental failures. It is thoroughly newsworthy.
Click HERE to read the story. It will blow your mind. Here is what USA Today says about it.

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Within the past month or longer I have had trouble sleeping. I love sleep and it loves me right back. To say that I’m not happy I can’t sleep through the night is an understatement. Sure I’ll wake up to pee or take B out to pee – and even then I get annoyed – but I’ve never had trouble falling asleep again.

I will wake up several times throughout the night and if my back is to my door, I have to turn over. I can see my front door from my bed, and I have to stare at it before I go back to sleep. Why, I have no idea. It’s like I’m afraid someone will break in. Which is kind of redic – all outside doors lock and you have to have a key to get in the building.

Sometimes Most of the time I am terrified I will see my dad in my place. Creepy, right? It’s true though. I strictly told him I didn’t want to see him. (I’m totally aware I sound like I need to be committed). He was a big jokester, so who knows. I was always the type of person to think ghosts/spirits were not real…until he passed away. Also, one of my BFFs mother’s died in 1997 and she has told me that at times she can feel her mom’s presence in her house. I think you tend to give more cred when you actually know someone that has gone through this, versus hearing about it from a stranger. At least I do.

At 5:30 this morning I woke up from a dream that was all too real. I had a vivid dream of how the world was going to end. Let’s just say that at 5:30am I was seriously contemplating on getting up and starting my day. It freaked me out enough to start looking for a psychologist. I need someone to help me make sense of all this and more importantly – to start sleeping better! Prayers!

Cuddle Buddy

If you live in Atlanta you probably know what The Bert Show is. Actually they are syndicated now, but I digress.

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I was looking for this story, since it was all over Facebook. The brother that went missing on his way to pick up his wife from work. (You should listen, I think it’s bs). I decided to go through some of the most recent on air bits because my drive to work is about 5 minutes and I don’t get to listen to them like I did a few years ago. As I was scrolling through I saw a post about cuddle buddies that caught my eye.

Listen to it out here.

You’ve heard of a booty call – this is just like that but with snuggling only. What! Um IDK if it’s me, but if I’m cuddling with someone, 9 times out of 10 that’s not going to be the only thing we’re doing. Just sayin. This whole idea is just odd to me, but the commentary TBS gives on it is pretty funny.

Vacation Bug

It’s safe to say that the vacation bug has officially hit me. Only, the vacation I’m planning isn’t until October. What can I say, I like to know details. See, it’s kind of a big deal. It will be my 30th birthday! My bestie’s birthday is the day before mine so we are going on vacation together. Since I’m all about knocking things off my bucket list, we haven’t really decided on where to go yet. There are so many things to factor in! Do we want to rent a place, or stay in a hotel? How many people are going with us? Right now, we are thinking about 3 possible vaction locations..

Virgin Islands – St. Croix

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Cancun, Mexico

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or go on a cruise

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Honestly, you can pretty much put me in sand and water and I’ll be happy! I’m a little nervous about the cruise idea – they haven’t had a good rep the last couple of years. I’m hoping we can take advantage of a free place in Mexico. Either way, I’m  so excited!!

Effing Disney

Why is it that we, either as women or our generation, seem to be so eager to fall in love?

Some times I look back at all the men I said I love you to, and I think, “did I really?”. Perhaps it’s my ability to forget the past? As in, when someone is out of my life, I generally tend to forget about them. Think Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, if you will. I can easily do it with women, but have a little more difficulty when it comes to men. I have been trying to pinpoint something in my life that has made me this way, and yet I can’t seem to come up with anything. I don’t think it’s because my parents separated when I was little – we left him! I honestly have no idea what it is about me that makes it so easy for me to “move on”. I put that in quotes because even if I haven’t fully moved on, I still think about that person from time to time. Never usually contact that person though. Is it just a strong will? I think maybe it’s because I am very black and white on my views? Either way, I feel like it’s something I need to work on.

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I think maybe we are so eager to be in love because of Disney. Ha! Kind of serious about that though. At the end of every Disney story, the guy and girl end up together and live happily ever after. We are taught that’s how it is.

Is love “like that” even real? Yes I did question that. Actually while I was talking to my bestie, she asked that. I know exactly where she’s coming from though, and I believe it is. Like I’ve stated before, my other bestie’s parents met and 2 weeks later they were married. 30 something years later, they are still married and more in love than ever. So, yes, I think that it can happen. All these people can’t just be making it up, right?

I know that it takes time. I do. If you think about it, it’s actually super hard to meet The One. You may love their personality but you may not have the same beliefs. Or you could have the same beliefs but not communicate well. You may have everything on the same level that meshes well together, but not priorities in life. It literally takes a perfect blend to be able to make it, I think.

 

As a side note – or random note – I was having a conversation with some friends at a bar a few weeks ago. One of the guys said, “You don’t have sex with someone because of their looks. You have sex with someone because of their brain”. One of my friends disagreed with that statement. I however, totally agree. Sure you may initially have sex with someone because of their looks. But, their good looks aren’t going to keep you. Looks fade anyway. If they are bad in bed – which is all brain work – then you’ll leave. It’s so true! You keep dating someone because of their brain. Crazy that I’ve never thought about it like that before.

Ohhhh Atlanta, why do you have to be so Russian Rouletteish when it comes to men? #fail

Such a deep post for a Friday night. Oopsies!

Pole Dancing

Have you seen this?! Amazing!!! First of all, its not easy to stay on the pole, let alone stay on it for as long as she did while doing all the things she did. Crazy!!!

 

 

Seriously?

As if Chris Brown wasn’t busy showing the world that he is the biggest tool bag ever, he opened his mouth yet again. This fool compared himself to…. JC. As in, Jesus Christ. Yep. He went there. Check out the article here.

BET's "106 & Park" - Day 1

 

 

 

EEEEEEEE

So many wonderful changes going on in my life right now that I am super excited about. So blessed!!!!

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Tattoo Removal: Session 1

Back in October I bought a Living Social deal for laser tattoo removal. It expires in April so I figured I should suck it up and get my first session out of the way. Today was my first appointment. I wasn’t sure what to expect other than pain.

About a month ago, I was getting a facial and I mentioned to my friend that I wanted a small sun spot removed. She told me she could zap it and that it would go away. I thought, okay what the hell.. lets do it! Well, thank God I only had one and it was small. What she called a “zap” felt more like electricity on my face. ON. MY. FACE. I yelled. I jumped and screamed from the shock (literally) of pain. After that, I can say that I absolutely will not be visiting any tanning beds and that I will bathe in sun screen from now on. It’s not like I get dark any way. Dang fair skin.

Once in the back room at the laser center, my tech put a cold pack on my lower back and told me she would be back in a few minutes. I didn’t really feel like the pack was super cold, so I pressed it onto my skin for the time period she was gone. Before she came in the room my skin almost felt like it was burning and it was very red from the cold. I figured that should work because I knew I wanted it to be as painless as possible. I asked her what kind of pain I was going to experience due to my “skin zap” ordeal. I wanted to know how much pain and what it would feel like. She told me that it had been described to her as grease popping on your skin when you are cooking.

Grease. Popping. On. Skin.

In the area where your tattoo is located. For about a full minute or two, depending on how much space your tattoo takes up. Yeah. I would say that grease popping on your skin repeatedly for one – two full minutes is very accurate. Ho. Ly. Mother of baby Jesus. That machine is the real deal. Luckily for me my tattoo is small and since I’ve had it for 10 years, it has faded a lot. The tech told me she thought I would only need 3, maybe 4 more laser sessions. Thank God! Luckily I have another 4-6 weeks to allow my skin to blister/itch/flake before I submit myself to pain again. I’ll post pictures throughout the process if you’re interested.

Trouble Trouble Trouble

This week has been interesting, to say the least.

A friend of mine confided in me thoughts of suicide. That alone was enough to stop me in my tracks. There were other things shared that day too. It’s a tough spot to be in. There are all these questions..what do I do, do I tell anyone, obviously I need to pray, how do I help, can I help, if I don’t tell anyone and this person doesn’t do anything about it how will I feel if somethings happens, do I get parents involved? The only solution I have come up with is to be there, and to say prayers.

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Dealing with my dad’s stuff is never fun. It’s even less fun when my sister calls me at work yelling because she isn’t smart enough can’t figure out what to do in a particular situation. Very frustraiting because #1 I am trying to work #2 yelling is NOT going to help. Which is why…..

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I sent that to Sara and Ashley yesterday. Sara’s response was “That’s how {insert her last name}’s see it!! You ARE family! Ashley’s response was “Awe! Thanks for being my sis!” 🙂

Earlier in the month I text Sara’s mom to tell her and her husband thank you for my Christmas gifts. I received the sweetest text. My heart literally smiled.

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I am SO blessed to have them in my life!!!

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Numerology

I saw this post on my friend Carly‘s blog and I thought I had to check it out.

Per the Numerology website, Numerology is the historic study of the relationship between names, birthdates, and numbers. In fact the word Numerology is derived from the word ‘numerus’ a Latin word for ‘number’ and the Greek word ‘logos’ meaning thought & word.

In Numerology, unlike Astrology or tarot, a person’s birth name as-well-as their birth-date have significant influences on their life path and personality. Calculating various influential traits of a person is a straight forward process.

I figured I’d give it a whirl. Low and behold, it was spot on!

Life Path Number: 7

The searcher and the seeker of the truth.

Life path 7’s have a clear and compelling sense of themself as a spiritual being. As a result, the life path 7 is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and finding the answers to the mysteries of life.

You may have noticed you are well-equipped to handle your task. You possess a fine mind; you are an analytical thinker, capable of great concentration and theoretical insight. You enjoy research, and putting the pieces of an intellectual puzzle together. Once you have enough pieces in place, you are capable of highly creative insight and practical solutions to problems.

Need Your Space?

You enjoy your solitude and prefer to work alone. You need time to contemplate your ideas without the intrusion of other people’s thoughts. You are a lone wolf, a person who lives by his own ideas and methods. As a result, close associations are difficult for you to form and keep, especially marriage. You need your space and privacy, which, when violated, can cause you great frustration and irritation.

Life Path 7 Is The Life Of The Party

When your life is balanced, however, you are both charming and attractive. You can be the life of a party, and enjoy performing before an audience. You enjoy displaying your wit and knowledge, which makes you attractive to others, especially the opposite sex. But you have distinct limits. While you are generous in social situations, sharing your attention and energy freely, you are keenly aware of the need to ‘come off stage’ and return to the solitude of your lair. You associate peace with the unobtrusive privacy of your world. Therefore, intimacy is difficult for you, because you guard your inner world like a mother lion does her cubs.

Don’t Be A Loner

All this privacy and aloneness can cause isolation and loneliness, however. You can be aware of an emptiness in your life, a part of you that yearns for company and close companionship that may be unsatisfied. If isolation is brought to the extreme, you can become cynical and suspicious. You can develop hidden, selfish motives, which people may sense and may cause them discomfort around you.

You must guard against becoming too withdrawn and independent, thus shutting out the love of others and keeping you from experiencing the true joy of friendship and close companionship. You must especially watch out for selfishness and egocentricity, thinking of yourself as the center of the universe, the only person who really matters. Social contact gives you perspective on yourself and on life, while too much isolation can make you too narrow and even shut off from the rest of the world.

Learn Balance

Secretly, you may feel jealous of the easy relationships formed by others; you may perceive others as less inhibited than you, or more free to express themselves. You may harshly criticize yourself for not being more gregarious, powerful, or capable of greater leadership. Your challenge in life is to maintain your independence without feeling isolated or ineffectual. You must hold fast to your unique view on the world, while at the same time being open to others and the knowledge they have to offer.

With your abilities to learn, analyze, seek out answer’s to life’s important questions, you have the potential for enormous growth and success in life. By the time you reach middle age, you will radiate refinement and wisdom. Pythagoras loved the seven for its great spiritual potential.

If you know me IRL, that’s scarily accurate so I tried out the Expression Calculator. Here is what it said about me..

Expression Number: 1

You are a natural leader, independant and individualistic.

You are extremely original, ambitious, and courageous. You employ new and unproven methods. You are an explorer and an innovator. Openness to too many peripheral influences limits and frustrates you. You are self-reliant, confident, and energetic.

You possess executive abilities and are most successful at owning or independently managing a business. You need the freedom to make your own decisions, based on your own ideas. You can be an astute politician. You also possess the ability to influence the opinions of your milieu.

The number 1 symbolizes the front-runner, pioneer, warrior, risk-taker, and daredevil. Generals, top politicians, successful businessmen, self-made millionaires, religious leaders, inventors, activists, and avant-garde artists are often born with a 1 Expression.

Strength and perseverance are central to your success. You must be willing to travel the frontiers of life, away from the beaten path. You possess a great reserve of willpower that must be directed at your goals. You do not give up, but relentlessly pursue your aims. You are quite opinionated. People tend to be inspired or repelled by your strong personality.

You have great powers of concentration and the ability to visualize your goals, thus making them more attainable. You stand up for your convictions and hold your ground. All of these abilities enhance your chances of success in life.

There is a tendency to be self-centered. You can be domineering and, in the extreme, a bully. You can be highly critical of others, complaining that people lack the industry or determination you possess. But this lack of understanding can alienate friends and family members from you. You must learn to control this tendency to maintain harmony in relationships. Once you are convinced of the inherent correctness of your ideas, you stubbornly – and sometimes rigidly – defend and propagate them. Avoid obstinacy and antagonism. You must cultivate balance, compassion, and perseverance. You easily assume the role of protector. You spring into action when leadership is needed.

Pride can be your downfall. You so powerfully identify with your goals and ambitions that you sometimes refuse to see a potential flaw or weakness in your well-laid plans. You possess strength and determination, which, when applied to any endeavor your are committed to, will lead you to great success in life.

Again, dead on. I even looked up people in my life, and theirs was accurate too! Cray!

Uncertainty

I think that when you are younger you have this idea that everything falls into place and its super cookie cutter perfect. Maybe that just comes with watching too many Disney movies. BOO Disney and their “fairytale endings”!

The last few months I have come to the uber realization that the idea of that is completely false. At least, so it seems. I suppose it is possible for some people, but generally speaking, I think it’s rare. I know nothing is easy unless you work at it, constantly work at it, and work hard.

My best friend is currently unhappy in her marriage. She literally married the greatest guy, ever. {Yes, she knows this} I guess in talking to her about things and trying to help her figure out the next step, I’ve realized that nothing in life is guaranteed. Just because you marry someone doesn’t mean that you will stay in love with them, or vice versa.

On the other end of the spectrum, one of my good friends and I were talking about a radio show here in the A earlier this week. They were discussing the highest combined sexual age of anyone you know. Which is pretty funny in itsself. I told her that her parents would be like the couples in their late 90s still doing it. She responded by telling me that she had a conversation with her mom over Thanksgiving. Her mom {whom I wish was my mom because she is the coolest} said that she truly thought her husband was her soul mate. She said, “I know it sounds stupid, but I truly think that. Who gets married after two weeks and 41 years later is still married and more in love than ever?”

Love and life are both so confusing. I guess that’s why its so important to have faith in God and prayer in your life.

Just a little thought for the day..

Halloween

Last year I didn’t dress up because I was out of town. My friend Sara and I were determined to dress up as loofahs for this year.

Inspiration:

I found that on Pinterest last year. Super cute right?

Here is Sara, with hers somewhat put together.

Of course as with any outfit, you need cute shoes. We decided that we were going to spray glitter spray into the loofahs so they look as though they’ve been soaped up. What goes with that? Well glitter shoes of course!

I bought these shoes from Target this past summer and I didn’t wear them as much as I thought I would. So I decided to use these to glitter. The left shoe is with one coat of modge podge and glitter. Clearly that wasn’t enought glitter. Sara and I ran to Target and bought some spray adhesive glue. This stuff is no joke. It is super sticky and it got every where. So I sprayed down a couple of sections at a time and poured more glitter on.

Super cute right? Sara’s are on the left and mine are on the right. Her loofah is pink and mine is purple. I knew I didn’t want purple shoes so this is what I came up with. She used a pair of old shoes, painted them with pink fabric paint and used pink glitter, instead of the opal-color I used.

Here are our outfits from Saturday night. Sara and her mom made us bubble headbands, which turned out super cute! We also used spray glitter to spray on the netting so we would look “wet” like a loofah! Oh and she also made a duck purse, bc of rubber ducky tub toys.

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Me and Gretchen (black cat)

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Celeb Dreaming

If you follow my blog, you know that I believe {most} dreams mean something. If you are dealing with things in your work or personal life, I believe that they come out in your subconscious. The other night I had some random things going on. I walked into a Kardashian store and before diving into the clothes, I turned my attention to the left and saw a big pool with a piano in the middle. Guess who was playing! Sir Elton John, whom I’ve actually met. Next thing I know, I’m sitting beside him playing along with him. After that all I remember was bar hopping with my friend Laura…

Me, Elton and Sara

 

Piano

 

To dream that you are playing a piano indicates a quest for harmony in your life. Consider where the piano is placed as a clue as to what aspect of your life needs accordance. If no sound is coming out of the piano, then it implies a lack of confidence. You are not sure about how to express yourself and how to voice your beliefs.

 

To dream that you hear the sound of a piano suggests harmony in your life. You are pleased with the way your life is going.

 

 

Celebrities

 

To see a celebrity in your dream represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Consider what the celebrity is famous or known for and how you relate to that quality. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.

 

To dream that you are good friends with a celebrity represents your idealized version of someone you know in your life. Perhaps you hope that a real-life friend can act more like a particular celebrity. Consider the qualities that you see in this celebrity and how you want your friends to have those qualities. Alternatively, the dream may be trying to compensate for your own lack of self-confidence. You want to escape from your own reality and live the high life. You want to fit in.

 

Water

 

To see water in your dream symbolizes your subconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

 

To see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.

 

To dream that you are walking on water indicates that you have total control over your emotions. It also suggests that you need to “stay on top” of your emotions and not let them explode out of hand. Alternatively, the dream is symbolic of faith in yourself.

 

Pool

 

To see a pool of water in your dream indicates that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It is time to dive in and deal with those emotions. Alternatively, a pool indicates your desire to be cleansed. You need to wash away the past.

 

Staircase {the Kardashian store had winding staircases all in it}

 

To see a staircase in your dream symbolizes change and transformation.

 

Stairs

 

To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs indicate that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual, emotional or material journey. The dream is also analogous to material and thoughts that are coming to the surface.

 

To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs represents your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your subconscious. It also refers to the setbacks that you are experiencing in your life. If you are afraid of going down the stairs, then it means that you are afraid to confront your repressed emotions and thoughts. Is there something from your past that you are not acknowledging?

 

To dream that you slip or trip on the stairs signify your lack of self confidence or conviction in the pursuit of some endeavor. If you slip going up the stairs, then it means that you are moving too fast toward attaining your goals. If you slip going down the stairs, then it suggests that you are moving too quickly in delving into your subconscious. You may not be quite ready to confront your subconscious or repressed thoughts.

 

To see spiral or winding stairs signify growth and/or rebirth.

Randoms

Happy Friday!! I don’t know about you guys but the last couple of weeks here have been cray. My only down time is on the weekends, and with it now being my Birthday MONTH, my weekends are filled. I need a breather!

Last weekend I I went to the mall with L. We met a crazy dog lady. No joke.

 This is Chloe (yes she has her own blog, why wouldn’t she?!). The lady had a matching blue sweater on and basically said she color coordinated all of their outfits. She also makes Chloe’s outfits. Then she pulled out a photo album of her dog in all these elaborate outfits. Chloe even has her own room. Yes, you read that right. Chloe was SO sweet and I even got to hold her!

Now no one can EVER say that I’m obsessed with my dog. EVER.

After the mall trip we made a stop by Target. L found this funny card.

LOL have a great weekend!

Bachelorette

I was flipping thru the September issue of ELLE magazine and I came across an article on Bachelorette (the movie). Leslye Headland the writer and director was talking about the movie..

“There’s a checklist by which women should live their lives, so that they’re always defining themselves by what they don’t have.”

How true is that, seriously.

She also says.. “Female friendships are deep and complex, and the lengthy ones are submerged in this dark history. If you’ve been friends for 10 years, you’ve done some terrible shit to each other.”

Kirsten Dunst who plays Regan, agrees, “It’s the part of your friends you don’t want to see. That should be the tag line.”

So true. Have you seen the movie?

Lil Wayne is Hilarious

You can tell he does not want to be there! hahahaha Love his responses! Working for attorneys I totally appreciate his responses.

My Death

Last week I had a dream I was dying. I was in the hospital and I kept telling people that I didnt want to see my dad bc he would be coming to take me to the other side. I’m not sure what was wrong with me, but I know I had a catheter and tubes down my throat. Crazy, right? Natch, I googled what all of that meant…

To see and talk with your dead parents in your dreams represent your fears of losing them or your way of coping with the loss. You are using your dream as a last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them.

To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol.  Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation. You are desperately trying to escape from the demands of your daily life.

To see or dream that you are in a hospital symbolizes your need to heal or improve your physical or mental health. You need to get back to the flow of everyday life. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are giving up control of your own body. Perhaps you are afraid of losing control of your body.

Dead on. Pun intended.

Dog Shaming

Here’s something to make you laugh. Dog Shaming. My friend Amber told me about it. You’re welcome!

Cozybear at her finest has been caught eating an entire 6lb raw lamb roast and spoiling Easter dinner! The string was the only hard evidence left!

He is notorious for eating bread and chips off of the counter. We thought a can of soup was safe…

He’s done something bad often enough to need a box of shame.

Every.Single.Time…. without exception. Moose has some serious issues with PDA.

I’m not even mad… that’s amazing.

Jake the Dog: I welcomed the hedgehog to her new home by trying to EAT her. My mom spent an hour plucking quills out of me 🙁
FizzBitch the hedgehog: I chase the dog around the house because he’s scared of me now LoL

Hell In Heels

Before I start off with this post can I just say that I am SO glad it’s football season!??! Ahhhh football season, when you can pick a bf based on his team choice! Greatest time of the year.  

This past week has been.. interesting, to say the least…

One of my high school friends came into town so we met up.  He ended up telling me he thought we had something. Uhhhhh…no.

A shit show went down between my sister and myself on Sunday.. and one of my exes text me. Didn’t even have the number in my phone and I had to look at it a few times to figure out who’s number it was because I deleted a lot of people a few weeks ago. BTW, HI!

Oh, one of my more proud moments.. while we were at the bar Saturday night, some guy walks up near me – I think to close his tab? – and I believe I am just gawking staring at him. He smiles and I tell him that he is so hot. He came back with, “It must be the glasses.” I was all over it, “Actually, it IS! and the eyes, and the pretty teeth..” At that point he laughs, puts his hand on the back of my head and tells me I’m cute. Damnit! I start searching for a ring – no joke – and I’m like “You must be married” and when I don’t find one he tells me he is engaged. Of course you are. Story. Of. My. Life.

All the guys I don’t want, want me, and all the guys I do want, don’t want me. Sadz.

It’s been a cray week. I’m actually still at work. Ugh. Something is wrong with me.

Here are some pics from the weekend.

me and HS friend.

OH! We were telling people that it was our 21st birthday. ?!

We found these rando glasses.

La La with her drank.

Cheers to 21!

Hmm

GO DAWGS!

Clearly I am deep in thought.

ITS MAH FAVORITE SONG!

Us. Again.

Mimosas and bloody marys! mmmmm

Just making a mimosa!

Last Moments with My Dad

Sorry this post has taken a long time for me to write. It’s precious to me and I wanted to make sure I was able to get everything down.

If you keep up with my blog or follow me on Twitter, you know that my dad passed away..

Saturday July 7th I got out of the pool to see several texts and missed calls from my sister. My cousin called her saying that my dad was in bad shape and if she wanted to see him that she needed to get there soon. With that, I left the pool, showered and packed like a maniac.

It’s a 3 hour drive to my hometown from Atlanta and I actually got pulled over and was given a ticket. Exact reason I don’t like cops – he asked why I was speeding and I told him my dad was dying. He asked a few more details and I was given a ticket. As if I wasn’t already hyperventilating, when I got back on the road I had the ugly cry.

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Sunset driving home

Luckily I made it to my dads in enough time to spend a full week with him. This was him the night we arrived. He would fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.

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One conversation that absolutely cracked me up was one that he had with one of his sisters with my cousin {her daughter} and myself in the room. My aunt told my dad that she was going home since he had two helpers. I guess he got offended by this because he said, “Why?” My aunt told him that John {her husband} was home. He responded with, “So?!” She reassured him that she was going to come tomorrow to see him. He told her, “If you’re not going to come until 5PM, don’t bother!” hahahaha! I get my non filtered mouth from him.

That was a rough week! Luckily we were able to get away at times. Dealing with your dad close to death and your crazy family is a lot to take in.

We had a neighbor bring us figs! Too bad I didn’t get any.

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One day we had to leave the house because our family was driving us crazy. We wanted to go have some wine but the main restaurant in town was closed. So we opted for the gas station. We drank in the car at a park which happened to be right outside the sheriff’s office. Ha!

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Another day we had to go into town and stopped by a local farmers market for some boiled peanuts. Mmhmm!

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During the week we spent as much time with him as we could. It was hard to get alone time with him though.

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Me holding his hand

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Nic holding his hand

The one time we were left alone to take care of him we had a bit of an accident. He was being stubborn per usual and wanted to turn over. He kind of laid in the bed funny. Nic and I just laughed to ourselves. Typical that he was being stubborn and we didn’t quite know how to help him get to the position he wanted.

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One of my favorite moments was when we laid beside him in his bed.

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We had a lot to take care of during that week. We found out that he had signed his house over to us in February, we changed the car title over, picked out his coffin, picked out flowers for his blanket, decided on music to play with a slide show of pictures for the viewing, and found poems and songs to be played at the funeral. Some of this was done after he passed. We were just going through the motions.

You could see a noticeable difference in him daily. One morning my sister and I woke up hearing him in pain. He hated staying in his bed so he liked to walk around even though it took about an hour for him to get to one end of the house to the other.

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When we felt overwhelmed we would walk around in his yard. He had a beautiful yard.

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Two days before he passed I was sitting beside his hospital bed in the house talking to him. During those two days he was not talking and would only make noises when he was in pain or say water. I was holding both of his hands and told him that all I had ever wanted was for him to walk me down the isle. At that moment he squeezed both of my hands and I bawled.

One day {I keep getting my days confused} a Hospice nurse came by and gave him a bath that morning. He pitched two fits to take a shower that day. He told my sister and I that his mind was going because he kept getting confused. That broke our hearts.

I remember us sitting on the edge of the bed with him as he shouted he was angry and punching the bed with his fist. It’s so hard to see someone you love feel so helpless and miserable.

After that we went outside to sit on the front porch. While we were outside it dawned on me that he would be passing on the 13th. He had mostly been in his hospital bed {minus the fit he threw to shower}. He was too weak to walk around and move a lot. By that point we were praying for him to go because it was obvious that he was in agony.

When the Hospice nurse came on Friday I asked her how long she thought he had. She told us she thought it would be within 24 hours. I stayed by his side all day after that, talking to him and holding his hands. While my sister was the more emotional of the two of us, I had many moments where I broke down and leaned on her.

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Last time I saw my dad

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He was so thin and frail. The red coloring on his legs was from the foam under the sheets.

Late in the afternoon my sister knew I needed a break. She took Bentley outside for me while I used the bathroom and fixed a glass of sweet tea. As I walked by my dads bed to go outside I noticed he looked at me and followed me with his eyes. I said to myself, “Did he just follow me?” I thought that was odd because he had been asleep most of the day. I joined my sister on the swing. She asked me at one point, “Why is it so pretty out here and so ugly in there?”. Not even 5 minutes later my cousin motioned for us to come inside. He was gone.

One memory I’ll never forget was when we made everyone leave the house so we could have alone time with him after he passed. We held his hands and talked to him. All I wanted to do was lay my head on his shoulder. {Which was how I felt all week but he was so frail}. That week and day I replay in my head every day.

For him to have passed on Friday the 13th was typical of him – he loved messing with people and joking around.

My sister and I were not close with my dad. As I’ve said before we always wanted the doting father but because he didn’t have one growing up, {we assumed} he didn’t know how to be one to us.

In the week we were at his house, we spent a lot of time with him. We were able to have conversations that we had never had with him. I think we both realized a lot of things ourselves in that week.

We had several family, coworkers, and friends tell us that not a day went by that he didn’t talk about us, and how much he loved us. That blew our mind.

One day while we were walking in his yard we thought we would cut 3 flowers from his yard to cheer him up. Two of them started dying. The last one was still in one piece the day he passed. After he passed I noticed the bottom petal had fallen off. Very symbolic.

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This is the sun from the front of the house the day he passed.

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The sun was very bright and hot the day of his funeral.

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Sun setting the day of his funeral

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My Dad’s casket was very pretty. It was pecan wood and it had a little drawer for family to put notes or pictures. My sister and I both wrote him a note. His flowers were gorgeous. We had 5 roses cascading down the front to symbolize Nic, me, and her 3 daughters.

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While the funeral home did a great job of filling my dad out, he didn’t look like himself to me. He looked like some man I’d never met.

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On the day of his funeral we had two poems read and two songs played inbetween speakers.

My poem:

My Dad, My Angel

© Jamie Cirello
Your battle is now over, no more tears flowing down your cheek,
no more pain, no more suffering, now you are no longer weak.
I still do not understand why this had to happen to you,
but I am proud to say you are my dad.
Although you will not be here to walk me down the aisle,
when that day comes I know you will be by my side with a smile.
You were always there for me and never once made me cry,
until the day you closed your eyes and had to say goodbye.
Now you are my Angel, so spread your wings out wide,
please wrap them around me whenever you see me cry.
Our time together was memorable and God took you way too fast,
but the most precious thing to me was you being there for my first breath,
and me being there for your last.

Song: Carrie Underwood – See You Again

Nic’s poem:

I Love You Dad

© Diana Doyle
I love you Dad with all my heart
And hate that we should be apart
Our love is a bond that can’t be broken
You may be gone, but never forgotten

I remember the day you went away
The pain in my heart is every beat
But I know that eventually, one day
We will, once again meet

The loss is something I can’t describe
I’m really going to miss you
One day I’ll be back by your side
So I can hug and kiss you

There are no words to tell you,
Just what I’m feeling inside
The shock, the hurt, the anger
One day, will gradually subside

Things will never again be the same
And though I’m hurting quite bad
I will smile whenever I hear your name
And be so proud to remember my Dad

Sleep well darling Dad, forever in my heart and my thoughts.

Song: Steven Curtis Chapman – Remembering You

A few weeks later I returned to his house. I was driving in and out of heavy rain – the kind that you drive 30MPH in. Once I got out of it I noticed that the sky was SO blue. You can’t tell much from the picture but there was a light blue line behind all the blackness.

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A month later, the sunset from his yard.

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Family pic of us

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Pic from Christmas 2011

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Thank you to everyone who has sent my sister and I kind words and prayers. It has meant a lot!

Today

Today has been crazy. Not the good kind either. I’ve done nothing but sleep all day and yet thats exactly what I want to keep doing.

I miss my dad and sister. I think I miss my sister because we spent such a long time together before my dad passed. My emotions are bat shit crazy. I “broke up” with this guy I had been seeing. I have faith that I did the right thing. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. In the end it will all work out. After all, I knew deep down he could never give me what I dreamt of.

I asked my sister to come see me soon and literally cried when she said she couldn’t. Clearly I am a ball of cray cray emotions. Not okay. As I type this Bentley is laying on my chest licking the air. He knows his mama is sad. So sweet.

Ugh my head is killing me. Not sure if it’s sinus pressure or just all my emotions. I have noticed a change in the weather. I’m suuuuper excited for fall, but not excited bc that means I will get a sinus infection. I did turn off the air in my place today and I’ve been wrapped in 2 blankets, socks, long stretchy pants, tank and a hoodie. Hello, Fall!

I realize this post more than likely doesn’t make sense. Just wanted to get my thoughts out.

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