Category: funny

If You Really Knew Me

Last weekend I went shopping with my bestie to buy myself a 30th birthday present. Our last stop was the Michael Kors store where I found two bags that I liked. The bags were the same color, the same price, only the detailing was different. I couldn’t figure out which bag I liked more. One bag had 3 compartments with a zipper in the middle, separating the two sides. The other bag was a little smaller but had a cute tassel on the handle. I’m such an organized freak that I loved the bigger bag with the three compartments, but I really loved the smaller bag with the tassel too.

I asked Ashley for her opinion and she liked the smaller bag with the tassel. She thought the bigger bag was a little plain. So I’m standing there in front of the mirror with a bag on each arm trying to figure out which bag I like the best, when the sales lady comes over to help me. She asked if I was trying to decide which bag I liked and I told her I was. Another customer walked by and she told me she liked the bigger bag with the compartments the best. The sales lady, who looks to be around 24 tells me that she also likes the bigger bag. I call Ashley over and tell her that they both like the bigger bag. She reminds me that I’ll be the one carrying it so I should get whatever bag I like the best.

With Ashely and the sales lady standing there, waiting for me to just pick a bag already!, the sales lady says that I seem pretty conservative, so she would go with the bigger bag. Ashley dies laughing and says, “seems conservative, if you only knew her!” and walks off. The sales lady gives me a questioning look and I tell her that yes, while I appear to be conservative, if she knew my personality she would know that, in fact, I am not in a lot of ways. To that she responded with, “Well what ever you’re doing, keep doing it because it’s working for you!”. haha Love her!

I get told that all the time. I get some version of conservative, quiet, sweet, innocent.. Is it because I have a baby face and look like I’m 23? If you really knew me, you’d know that I am not quiet, I am not that conservative, and I am definitely not that innocent. Not at 29 years old. I like to call it being a realist.

Like Luda says, we want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. ūüėČ

Who??

On¬†the way to the beach with my bestie, we listened to songs on my iPhone. Of course there were goodies from back in ’03. Wow, do I feel old typing that or what! I started noticing a theme in rap songs. Sometimes peoples names are mentioned and I have no clue who they are. This goes for songs ‘back in the day’ and songs out currently.

Here are some people that I have no idea who they are:

  • Billy Ocean
  • Bruce Bruce
  • Nia Long
  • Mike Jones
  • Lisa Ray

One of my friends brothers thought I said my dog’s name was Billy instead of Bentley about a year ago. We thought it was pretty funny so at times I will call him Billy. If he’s not listening to me, I will call his name. If he looks at me but doesn’t do what I ask, I will call him Billy and guess what! HE DOES WHAT I ASKED! It’s kinda crazy.

After our beach trip I decided to start calling him Billy Ocean. Just because, I mean, that’s funny. My bestie is getting a dog for her son and I begged her to name it Bruce Bruce or Mike Jones. She died laughing and she agreed to name him Bruce Bruce! hahaha YESSSSS!

 

Here are a few pics from the beach trip. The company I work for was nice enough to let us use their beach condo!

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Kid Covers Bruno Mars’ Grenade

So cute!!

Feeling 32 and Poppin Rings

Parody of Taylor Swift’s Feeling 22. SO true!

 

 

Cute!

Cuddle Buddy

If you live in Atlanta you probably know what The Bert Show is. Actually they are syndicated now, but I digress.

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I was looking for this story, since it was all over Facebook. The brother that went missing on his way to pick up his wife from work. (You should listen, I think it’s bs). I decided to go through some of the most recent on air bits because my drive to work is about 5 minutes and I don’t get to listen to them like I did a few years ago. As I was scrolling through I saw a post about cuddle buddies that caught my eye.

Listen to it out here.

You’ve heard of a booty call – this is just like that but with snuggling only. What! Um IDK if it’s me, but if I’m cuddling with someone, 9 times out of 10 that’s not going to be the only thing we’re doing. Just sayin. This whole idea is just odd to me, but the commentary TBS gives on it is pretty funny.

Friday Funnies

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Friday Funnies

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YES that is a Yorkie, in a dish glove! hahahaa LOVE!!!!

Friday Funnies

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Friday Funnies

I died laughing the first time I saw this. This little girl’s laugh is hilarious!!!! It’s so funny to think that she’s just laughing because her dog is eating popcorn! hahahaha Enjoy!

 

 

I am saving this video under my favorites the next time I have a bad day.

 

Friday Funnies

whenever the owners of this house with a pool came home, they found puddles of water near their pool. They believed the neighbors kids waited until they went out, to use the pool….so they installed a camera and this is what they saw….

 

 

 

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PicMonkey Collage

Def my dog. Loves sweets!

Friday Funnies

A day early due to Vday..

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Friday Funnies

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Friday Funnies

AHHH! I’ve been so busy working my booty off that I almost forgot about posting today!!

Check out what I did.

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those areas were slammed full of boxes…

 

 

Here are some personal funnies that I have.

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You will only get this if you A) are a Braves fan, or B) follow MLB

I was texting with my boss yesterday helping him out with flight info since he was out of town. This auto correct made me laugh for an hour.

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Once again Miss Taylor has managed to make me laugh, but then again it really doesn’t take much.

This post on who was having the best week ever. #1 being: Fake Girlfriends

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Coming in 2nd, not first, like he prefers: Lance Armstrong. Her commentary on this whole post had me laughing. The news about Elin & Tiger was something I hadn’t heard, but Adele exposing Taylor’s mean side was pretty dead on. I too think that she’s really just a mean girl.

Her Dear Mittens letter cracked me up. I love my Repubs but that post had me dying.

This picture.. this will be my friend Sara in several years! hahaha

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Friday Funnies

1. My friend Amber and I were texting back and forth earlier this week. I had asked her what a good hot tea was from Starbucks, since I was feeling bad. She told me two teas to try so I asked which one she thought would be better. She replied with, “They are waaay different. The zen refresh would prob be the best for you being dick.” then, “hahahahahah sick!!!” oh man, auto correct, you never fail to make me laugh.

2. My friend Sara and I have the same¬†sense of humor. I sent her this picture of ke$ha from a magazine earlier this week. I said, “thhhhhhats why she says ‘I like your beard’ at the end of that song!” I told her I thought we could be friends with ke$ha because of her carefree¬†attitude and sweet rap style. I told her that she could be $ara. She said her name does look pretty gangsta like that, so I told her that my real name was gangasta enough. She did find a way to incorporate a symbol though. Pretty funny. (Maybe this is one of those things that you either have to be there for, or know us?)

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Maybe next week will be funnier!

Friday Funnies

I decided to post each Friday things that made me laugh over the week. Hopefully I can start this and keep it up, at least for a year? We shall see!

On Monday I got The Daily Tay’s post, Resolutions You Should Have Made. She did a celebrity version and the one that cracked me up was Taylor Swift. Taylor, you should make a resolution to steal Kanye’s baby the second the doctor places it in his arms and proclaim, this belongs to Ray J!

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hahahahhahaahahaaa

2. Monday my friend Sara and I went ice skating.¬†We were trying to figure out if we wanted to watch the football game before ice skating, or if we wanted to watch the game one night, and the next night go skating. As we were texting back and forth she asked who was playing. I told her UGA. She wrote me back and told me that they had already played. OHHHHHH YEAHHHH… No wonder the guys looked at me funny when I told two of them they should pull for UGA since they both went to school there. …hahahahahaha¬† I told them about it the next day and they both said they thought I was being sarcastic. LOL

3. After ice skating we hit up a bar to watch the football game. When we were leaving down town we kept running into roads where no left turn was allowed. We needed to turn left to get back to our side of town. We finally approached a road that let us turn left. So we needed to make another left to head in the right direction. The next intersection we approached said “NO LEFT TURN”. I started laughing at the circumstance and told Sara the sign might as well have said, “HAHA Tricked ya!”

4. While driving in the ghetto since we were lost, we approached a gas station. There were several signs on a fence along the wall to the building. I started laughing and Sara asked what I was laughing at. I told her, “that sign says ‘NECKS'”. So random. The closer we got to the sign I saw that it actually said V Necks but the “V” was above the word necks so I didn’t see it. Again, we were about to pee our pants from laughing.

5. Pinterest always makes me laugh..

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I guess that’s why I don’t own a LV?

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hahahahahaa YESSSSS!!

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LOL

 

Halloween

Last year I didn’t dress up because I was out of town. My friend Sara and I were determined to dress up as loofahs for this year.

Inspiration:

I found that on Pinterest last year. Super cute right?

Here is Sara, with hers somewhat put together.

Of course as with any outfit, you need cute shoes. We decided that we were going to spray glitter spray into the loofahs so they look as though they’ve been soaped up. What goes with that? Well glitter shoes of course!

I bought these shoes from Target this past summer and I didn’t wear them as much as I thought I would. So I decided to use these to glitter. The left shoe¬†is with one coat of modge podge and glitter. Clearly that wasn’t enought glitter. Sara and I ran to Target and bought some spray adhesive glue. This stuff is no joke. It is super sticky and it got every where. So I sprayed down a couple of sections at a time and poured more glitter on.

Super cute right? Sara’s are on the left and mine are on the right. Her loofah is pink and mine is purple. I knew I didn’t want purple shoes so this is what I came up with. She used a pair of old shoes, painted them with pink fabric paint and used pink glitter, instead of the opal-color I used.

Here are our outfits from Saturday night. Sara and her mom made us bubble headbands, which turned out super cute! We also used spray glitter to spray on the netting so we would look “wet” like a loofah! Oh and she also made a duck purse, bc of rubber ducky tub toys.

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Me and Gretchen (black cat)

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Randoms

Happy Friday!! I don’t know about you guys but the last couple of weeks here have been cray. My only down time is on the weekends, and with it now being my Birthday MONTH, my weekends are filled. I need a breather!

Last weekend I I went to the mall with L. We met a crazy dog lady. No joke.

¬†This is Chloe¬†(yes she has her own blog, why wouldn’t she?!). The lady had a matching blue sweater on and basically said she color coordinated all of their outfits. She also makes Chloe’s outfits.¬†Then she pulled out a photo album of her dog in all these elaborate outfits. Chloe even has her own room. Yes, you read that right.¬†Chloe was SO sweet and I even got to hold her!

Now no one can EVER say that I’m obsessed with my dog. EVER.

After the mall trip we made a stop by Target. L found this funny card.

LOL have a great weekend!

Bachelorette

I was flipping thru the September issue of ELLE magazine and I came across an article on Bachelorette (the movie). Leslye Headland the writer and director was talking about the movie..

“There’s a checklist by which women should live their lives, so that they’re always defining themselves by what they don’t have.”

How true is that, seriously.

She also says.. “Female friendships are deep and complex, and the lengthy ones are submerged in this dark history. If you’ve been friends for 10 years, you’ve done some terrible shit to each other.”

Kirsten Dunst who plays Regan, agrees, “It’s the part of your friends you don’t want to see. That should be the tag line.”

So true. Have you seen the movie?

Lil Wayne is Hilarious

You can tell he does not want to be there! hahahaha Love his responses! Working for attorneys I totally appreciate his responses.

Attention Whore

I love my little baby. I think he is the cutest thing ever. Love how he slowly gets closer and closer.. haha I was eating Chinese the other night and he kept inching his way closer after I was done.
Sitting on the couchWalking to the other one that I’m onMid-lickNotice his paws on my kneesAhhh that’s more like it mom! Notice I am trying to read. Ah, Yorkies..attention whores.

Dog Shaming

Here’s something to make you laugh. Dog Shaming. My friend Amber told me about it. You’re welcome!

Cozybear at her finest has been caught eating an entire 6lb raw lamb roast and spoiling Easter dinner! The string was the only hard evidence left!

He is notorious for eating bread and chips off of the counter. We thought a can of soup was safe…

He’s done something bad often enough to need a box of shame.

Every.Single.Time…. without exception. Moose has some serious issues with PDA.

I’m not even mad… that’s amazing.

Jake the Dog: I welcomed the hedgehog to her new home by trying to EAT her. My mom spent an hour plucking quills out of me ūüôĀ
FizzBitch the hedgehog: I chase the dog around the house because he’s scared of me now LoL

Hell In Heels

Before I start off with this post can I just say that I am SO¬†glad it’s football season!??! Ahhhh football season, when you can pick a bf based on his team choice! Greatest time of the year. ¬†

This past week has been.. interesting, to say the least…

One of my high school friends came into town so we met up.¬†¬†He ended up telling me he thought we had something. Uhhhhh…no.

A shit show went down between my sister and myself on Sunday.. and one of my exes¬†text me. Didn’t even have the number in my phone and I had to look at it a few times to figure out who’s number it was because I deleted a lot of people a few weeks ago. BTW, HI!

Oh, one of my more proud moments.. while we were at the bar Saturday night, some guy walks up near me – I think to close his tab? – and I believe I am just gawking staring at him. He smiles and I tell him that he is so hot. He came back with, “It must be the glasses.” I was all¬†over it, “Actually, it IS! and the eyes, and the pretty teeth..” At that point he laughs, puts his hand on the back of my head and tells me I’m cute. Damnit! I start searching for a ring – no joke – and I’m like “You must be married” and when I don’t find one he tells me he is engaged. Of course you are. Story. Of. My. Life.

All the guys I don’t want, want me, and all the guys I do¬†want, don’t want me. Sadz.

It’s been a cray week. I’m actually still at work. Ugh. Something is wrong with me.

Here are some pics from the weekend.

me and HS friend.

OH! We were telling people that it was our 21st birthday. ?!

We found these rando glasses.

La La with her drank.

Cheers to 21!

Hmm

GO DAWGS!

Clearly I am deep in thought.

ITS MAH FAVORITE SONG!

Us. Again.

Mimosas and bloody marys! mmmmm

Just making a mimosa!