Category: funny

May Bucket List Completions

NEW FREAKIN YORK!

Beyonce in concert!! Post on the coming soon..

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Rihanna in concert (again)! Pics and video coming..

Lure

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Le Macaron

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Pineapple chipotle chocolate, salted caramel, Belgian chocolate, Madagascar Black Vanilla, Raspberry, Lemon Cream (not pictured) and Lavander White Chocolate macarons.

Establishment

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world’s darkest bathroom – this was with flash

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 hilarious drink menu

Randoms

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Husky Men

The 10 Sexiest Things About Husky Guys

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1. You never want to stop hugging him because he is basically a human Charmin paper towel roll. Bonus if he’s wearing flannel which, come on, he almost always is.

2. He will never judge you for ordering seconds or being hungry even though you just ate. He eats when he wants to eat and what he wants to eat, and thinks it’s super cool that you do too.

3. He’s amazing at planning dates because he knows all the best burger places in town. The place you walk by all the time and have been meaning to try? Yeah, he’s already been there three times and knows exactly what you should order.

4. You can put your head directly on his collarbone and it still feels like a rolled-up blanket. As opposed to putting your head against a chiseled metal filing cabinet.

5. He’s got time for you. Since he’s not at the gym 24/7 staring at his own pecs, he has time to stay in bed and watch movies and eat cookies he probably baked for you before you came over.

6. When he gets a T-shirt thats a little too tight, his meaty bod looks way more tempting than a cold, hard six-pack ever did. Whenever I see ripped, hairless abs, I just assume his genitals are smooth plastic like a Ken doll’s. They’re probably not but still, is it worth the risk?

7. He’s accepted himself as he is, so he accepts you as you are. He’s not perfect and he doesn’t expect you to be either. Therefore: leg hair? Don’t care.

8. When he doesn’t get a haircut for a little too long and he looks like the mop-headed teen boys you loved in your youth. All that’s missing is a popsicle stain down the front of their striped shirt. Love it so much.

9. If something isn’t working in your relationship, he’s going to want to work through it.He likes to be comfortable, so he wants to make sure you’re both comfortable in the relationship. Therefore, with him, communication will always be a thing.

10. He is a human blockade for stuff you’d rather not see or deal with. If he sees you’re about to step in dog poop, he will literally put his massive man-body in front of yours so your shoes/day aren’t ruined. He doesn’t even think to do this; his body just knows it is what it must do.

9 Things Only Women Who Date Husky Guys Understand

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1. Not being able to breathe during hugs. That’s a lot of man.

2. And girl-on-top is your jam for the same reason. He’s just a tad heavier than you.

3. Feeling like a Polly Pocket living in your tiny Polly Pocket world. Even if you’re 5-foot-8, 170 pounds, you still feel like Thumbelina up in his bed.

4. Being able to use him as a human heat lamp in the winter. If you’re like me and you’re cold constantly, cuddling up to a husky guy is like being wrapped in a hug that was put in the microwave and also comes with a brownie.

5. But you’ll never be able to borrow his sweater and have it be like “sexy boyfriend fit.” Because it’s just a huge sack of wool that goes down to your knees and no one thinks that is sexy. Except maybe him because he rules.

6. Knowing he’d squash anyone who crosses you even if he’s not really that strong. Like, is he really any better at protecting you than a skinny guy would be? Who knows. But it feels that way sometimes and even if that’s not true, it’s fun to pretend he’s a superhero who would forcefully tell someone to “unhand” you.

7. Always having amazing food in the house. You know those guys you date and you wake up in the morning and you’re like, “What do you have to eat?” and they’re like, “Bottles of Corona and mustard,” and you’re like, “I hate this”? That will never, ever happen with him. Boy has stockpiles of food, and makes eggs with bacon and toast every morning. You are covered.

8. When you’re out and your shoes are killing you, he will always give you a piggyback ride. You basically have to beg him to put you down and everything about that is great.

9. Not having to find a nook on his chest when you’re snuggling. You can put your head literally anywhere on his chest and be comfortable as fuck. You don’t have to navigate away from his jutting sternum or various ribs; it’s just all pillowy, next-to-his-heartbeat loveliness forever and ever.

Funnies

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Resolutions

This. Is. Awesome.

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Weekly Roundup

So glad I discovered this place. It is now on my bucket list.
At times I come across websites and I wish I had someone to build stuff for me, like this.
As much as I hate baths, I couldn’t agree more with this article on how and why you should take a detox bath. I always feel so much better when I do this (and shower off immediately after the bath.)

Funnies

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Fun Links and Tom Ford

This Beer Buddy Budweiser commercial is awesome.

27 awkward cake moments

Ever wondered what Pinterest’s offices looked like? Wonder no more.

Ever since NYFW I’ve become obsessed with designer Tom Ford. Not his brand, but him personally. Talk about HOT!

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I found an article on him that describes him perfectly…

Women were personally bewitched by him, the straightest gay man alive: In the way that gay men dream of getting hot straight guys to play on the other team, women are enticed by Ford because his heavy-duty flirting encourages the fantasy that he could fall for you. “I feel,” he says breathily, “that I am keyed into the female consciousness.”

Another reason I love him..

At 45, Ford is still the only handsome male fashion designer, with perfect stubble, manicured nails, and not an ounce of fat: “When my clothes are getting tight, that’s not a sign to me that I need to go to another size—it’s a reminder that I have to stop eating, or suffer,” he explains. He has been scrutinized for signs of a toupee, Restylane, and lifted shoes. However, the Tom Ford chest hair remains in fine form, a forest of manliness barely concealed by a polo shirt, usually with merely three or four buttons undone.

Then I read this article on him and his husband. The way he describes his husband’s eyes… I agree, I’m bewitched by him.

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That is one smokin’ hot all manly, man.

Randoms

I can identify with too many of these – Short People Problems

In the past year I’ve noticed the number of people in unhappy marriages increase. This is interesting. As well as this.  (Divorce rate for a woman who gets married before the age of 29 is 80%. For men, it’s 72%. The average age for couples going through their very first divorce is 30.)

 

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Has anyone tried this? I’ve heard good things about the Living Proof line, but nothing about this product.

I can’t believe we lost two great comedians recently. Heaven should be a lot funnier with those two.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card. – Joan Rivers

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June and July Bucket List Completions

June: None.. I slacked off again

 

July:

Bistro Niko

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Zinburger Wine and Burger Bar

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Things I Love Lately

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Girls Trip

About a month ago Ash and I went to see Laura in SC. We had so much fun we didn’t really take any pictures.. Here are some we did take, before we started drinking.

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I hit up Dry Bar before hitting the road

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Marg mix

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before heading to the pool

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me and L

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Ash and me

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3 of us

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B was super excited to see me

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he left a paw print on my leg..

 

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prior to the trip i got blond-ified

Stream of Consciousness

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Love that!

 

About a week or so ago I ordered Cards Against Humanity off Amazon. I had heard so many good things about this game. Mostly how funny it was. I thought I needed in on it. SO glad I purchased it. It literally is the best game ever! Check out the rules.

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The bestie and I have been talking about doing a cleanse. We were googling a few things and I came across this hilarious post on why juice cleanses are terrible.

 

You know what I hate? When you’re obviously interested in someone and they act coy. Thank God I have friends that tell me things like, “he should realize that he is damn lucky to have someone like you interested in him..”

Braves Opening Night ’14

Several weeks ago I went with friends to the Braves home opener. We had so much fun. It was a little chilly but otherwise the weather was perfect. We had the best burgers while there! Here are some pics..

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As we were trying to find our car, I noticed a dude passed out asleep on the bed of his truck. So funny! I know a ton of people that take off work the day of the opening game to tailgate all day, so I am sure this dude did that too. Too bad he completely missed the game.

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Weekly Roundup

Dogs and St. Pattys

Animals are so funny. Saturday I took B over to my friend Gretchen’s house so he could play with her Yorkie. Rambo is very hyper and needs lots of attention and barks a lot. Bentley is the exact opposite. He just kind of lays around, he’s very submissive and new people freak him out. A friend of hers that is staying with her came home and he was all, it’s like your dog has down syndrome, its so crazy how different they are! hahahahaha! G was like, Alex that’s not nice and dogs have different personalities just like humans do!

I digress. My friend Jaclyn posted these two videos on FB and I had to share them with you. The cat and dog video absolutely cracks me up. Cats are such assholes.

This is the exact reason I crate my dog.. (not really but this video is funny)..

I love meeting new people. I met Jaclyn and some of her friends through Gretchen on Saturday. She’s such a sweetheart! Naturally we went out for St. Patty’s Day..

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Not sure why I have Something About Mary hair?

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good Lord I’m pale.. UGH

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Weekly Roundup: TV and Other Extras

My bikini came in the mail on Friday! Unfortunately my T&A took one look at it and laughed. It will be sent back as you can definitely see my butt crack in the small bottoms and my boobs look like they might pop out of the top at any minute. I’ve never had to order a large top. WTF? Apparently Australian sizes are completely different than US. I showed Ashley the top and her response was “that is not a medium top!” It really does look like an XS.

This is how it should look, but doesn’t.

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I have a confession. I’m a sugar addict. My favorite food is cake. Recently I came across 25 reasons to stop eating sugar. The fact that it’s been linked to cancer alone makes me seriously rethink my intake.

Remember a few years ago when I dated S? Well, his sister Cassie is on a little show called Private Lives of Nashville Wives.

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Check out some clips of Cassie. This is not your typical trashy Housewives show. Cassie and Gary’s story is more about their adoption process (so far, they have only aired 2 episodes). I cannot say enough good things about them. They are two open and loving people. I remember when S told me that his sister was going to contact me on FB to get to know me shortly after he and I met. Once I finally met her we went to lunch and I had the best time just walking around getting to know her. She truly is an amazing person. Can I be related to her even though he and I broke up? ha  I don’t think you’ll find anyone with a bigger heart than Cassie.

Here is the extended opening.. If you check out the link above with her story, there are 3 videos on her page. They show a closet tour, a home tour, and what the ladies think of Cassie. I hate they didn’t show their library. They have an ahhhhmazing library slammed full of books in their home. I could live in that room alone for months.

I have been reading Chelsea’s blog since I started my first blog in 2009. She posted this on IG and I cracked up laughing.

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This post on 5 fattest foods girls love to eat  had me dying. Funny and very true!!

Remember when I posted about Theo and Beau? Check out her Freshpet Team Cuddle Finalists. ADORABLE!

That’s all I have for this week. It’s been a rough week for me. Say some prayers please! 🙂

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I’ve felt this way before

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ok?

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ha

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sure do

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RIGHT?!

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truth.

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I mean have you seen Tom Daly?! So he’s not US.. details, details.

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me!

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

Once I made it out of bed yesterday, I decided to go to the minute clinic at CVS to get some abx. OTC was just not working anymore. After getting my Rx filled I went home and caught up on my DVR. I hadn’t watched any of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. So many funny moments!! Here are some of my favs.

Happy V Day

 

 

Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a some e card..

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Weekly Roundup

My friend Cort posted 5 Reasons girls hate showering on facebook. It was pretty funny.. and accurate.

There’s a reason I don’t like men with beards. I think this says it all. Its funny, my bestie goes nuts over a beard. I emailed her this link and told her this explains why I think beards are gross. Plus, ew lots of hair. On your face. Pass. A little scruff? SO SEXY. Ugh and that noise when a man scratches his face. Panty dropper. Plus it feels good after you shave down below.

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Eric Decker with the perf amount of scruff. mmm

 

100 year old BFFs

 

Why It Sucks To Be Single Today

SO true!

Happy Halloween

 

 

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YESSSS!

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hahahah yep

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Happy Birthday To My Other Half

My other half as in, the woman that is always there for me, even that one time when we didn’t talk for 2 years.  Oopsies.

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The woman that knows what I mean when I say “blood is not thicker than water”, because she has also been there, and doesn’t try to change my opinion.

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The woman that understands and listens to me when I talk about my childhood relationship with my dad. How he beat me was never the amazing father, how I always wanted that awesome father/daughter relationship, because her childhood was similar.

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The woman that understands what it feels like to walk in on your bf/fiance cheating on you, because it happened to her, a year earlier, in the same house.

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The woman that drove an hour to pick me up from said house, kicked her husband out of bed, and talked with me all night long and the next day because I called her in shock immediately after it happened.

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The woman that you know any man would be lucky if she picks him because she loves sex, loves football, and is a strong independent woman, just like you.

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The woman that you packed an entire house for because you knew she needed to move.

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The woman that you thought was intimidating when you first met her.

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The woman that you share every tiny detail with.

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The woman that is inspiring because she seems like she can do everything.

The woman that is inspiring because she tries to do everything.

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The woman that understands precisely what I mean when I say I hate my small town I’m from.

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The woman that drives you crazy because she over analyzes things just as much as you do.

The woman that is a replica of you, just 3 years older and brunette.

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The woman that has completely opposite taste in men from you.

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The woman that tells you “we will make a plan” when you are freaking out because you are questioning so many things in your present life.

The woman that will drive 3 hours to be with you at your dad’s visitation because she knows what it’s like to lose a parent, but can’t actually come because she caught pink eye. ha!

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The woman that will spend 9 hours with you, 6 of those in a car, helping you pack up your dad’s house.

The woman that will finish your sentences or say your thoughts out loud.

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The woman that you know you can say anything to and vice versa because you both have each others best interests at heart.

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The woman that knows what it’s like to have a crush on a co-worker.

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The woman that completely understands my relationship with M because she has been there before.

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The woman that Bentley feels comfortable around. If you know what a baby my dog is, this is huge.

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The woman that currently will get all of my retirement money if anything happens to me before I marry.

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The woman that will have a baby for me, if I decide to, because I don’t want to jack up my body and because I’m selfish.

The woman that understands how important it is to maintain yourself because she’s thinks so too.

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The woman that supports and encourages you even though she may not agree with you, because that’s just what friends do.

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The woman that I am lucky enough to call my best friend, which doesn’t seem to do justice to what she really means to me.

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