Category: marriage

Hello From the Outside

Holy fucking shit. I think I wrote about Adele’s “Hello” when it first came out.

July 8th I was checking my VM. My ENT’s office called and left me a VM. Apparently even if you block a number they can still leave you a VM. So I saw “Blocked Messages    1 >”. I have very few numbers blocked; I think only random people I’m too stupid to give a fake number to, and M. Upon seeing the number, I knew it was from M. He called June 18 at 9:17AM. The day before Father’s Day was the first thing that stuck out in my head, not sure why. There was nothing to the VM, just a tv in the background, and then breathing right before hanging up. Obvi it wasn’t a pocket dial, even though he would later claim it was. I don’t think so, bud. Its virtually impossible to do that nowadays.

I brought up returning his call to one of my GFs and she suggested I reach out and see what it was about. Natch, I did because, have you met met? The most curious person, almost, ever. He was shocked to say the least. We “caught up”. What you can catch someone up on in your life when you haven’t talked in over a year. I think he told me he would call me later to catch up.. Somehow I knew he’d call me back after his dinner. He did and we “caught up” more. He told me there were a few things he wanted to tell me. I knew exactly what that meant. I was very blunt the last time we talked/I texted him. I believe before we hung up he said he’d call later in the week. Obvi that didn’t happen.

I actually reconnected with a guy 2 days later. So random. Then the anniversary of my dad’s passing day came. He finally called one Sunday morning either at the end of that week or the following, at 1AMish. I was cleaning out my closet (hello irony) and texting with the boy and an old coworker. I decided to answer. I could tell by his voice something wasn’t quite right. He asked me to pick him up and my first thought was, oh fuck, he’s in jail.” Nope, just at a bar?! He said he needed a friend, and I’m a sucker, so I picked him up, and he knew I would because I’m such a great friend/person.

On the ride to my place (not many places are open at 1:45AM) I was asking WTF was happening, why he needed a friend, etc. And he bombs me with he was engaged and he/she/they called it off on Saturday. Insert my calm face on the outside, and my WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHY THE FUCK AM I THE PICK ME UP CALL?! Yes those are not complete sentences because my brain was all over the place.

So we talked it out, what little he wanted to talk out. Which consisted of him mostly wanting to hear about me and what was going on in my life.

He did tell me a few things I needed to hear for “closure”. Like how he regretted several things, like never telling me he loved me, not being there for me for my dad’s death, etc. My favorite i think, was that I was the best sex he’d ever had. hahahahaha DUH. Because you actually fell for me. I pointedly asked him why he never told me he loved me. He looked me directly in the eyes and told me he was a coward. Okay, that takes some balls to say that. Or alcohol. Either way, I give him props for finally admitting it.

Like the good friend person I am, I steered the convo back to his issue. To help him, I asked if he thought this was “it”, it was over, for good. He said something about her taking her ring off and leaving it on the table (I think it was table?) was “like a line in the sand”. I asked if he was positive, and if he was sure he wasn’t being too hard on her, because there were plenty of times he did that to me – stubborn asshole because his feelings were hurt without communicating with her and talking things out. God, I’m such a good ex gf! Around 4AM he took his shirt and shorts off and asked if he could sleep over on my couch. Didn’t leave me much choice did ya? I said yes, gave him a pillow and blanket and offered to charge his phone bc I knew it was either dead or almost dead.

At 7:30AM I woke up to his phone vibrating the fuck out of my makeup table. Annoying. So I got up, peed, took him his phone and told him she had called several times. I think he peed and crawled in bed with me. We cuddled (hey, fuck off I’m human) and talked more about his situation. Definitely did not sleep together or make out, and he left.

We caught up later the following week and I told him I couldn’t be his friend. That was one of the things he mentioned in our convo at 3AM. I told him that he couldn’t look to me to be the first one he told about things, that’s what his fiance/wife/person is for. Not me. Whomever he decided to spend his life with needed to be that person, that I couldn’t do it. It wouldn’t be fair to me. He sounded really sad and said he figured and understood. Super awkward hanging up. Hows that convo supposed to go? “Hi, I can’t be your friend or in your life, have a nice life!” Oh and I mentioned that I was really excited with the possibility of where things were going with this new(ish) guy. Side note: that only lasted a month. Leave it to me to get tired of someone after a month. Ha. In the words of Rihanna, “Didn’t they tell you I was a savage?”

After hanging up with M, I felt like he was wavering on getting back together with his ex. Whether or not he did, I have no idea. I just think that based on the little I know, the things he told me and him turning to me, means he’s not as “in it” as he thought he was. I also told him I found it puzzling that he would want closure with me after proposing to someone. #justsayin

So tonight I had a phone call with the medium I have seen before. Not for any particular reason. She actually brought M up though. She said I finally let go of that situation. It was not good for me. She said specific things, but I can’t remember them now. I’d have to go back and listen to the recording.

We talked about my dad, because we always do at some point. She said, you like butterflies don’t you? I laughed and was like yes. She said he sends me signs and sent me one in butterfly form recently. I laughed because he did. She said butterflies normally aren’t that clumsy, it was a sign. (I was at a friends pool sitting on the edge with her. A butterfly literally flew into my face. I pulled away like, wtf and asked her if she saw it. She said yea, its a sign from your dad. I was like I KNOW!) I told the medium I feel like my dad sends me signs a lot, mostly through songs. She said he did.

After our call, I went to the store, ate dinner, watched tv and gathered the materials I need to write an essay for a paper. I decided to put on some music and decided I wanted to hear Adele. I played most of the songs from her 21 album and sang along. 25 started playing after that and Hello came on. I just listened to it instead of singing along for some reason. The further into the song I had a lightbulb moment. I literally said out loud, HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SOOOOOO US. Me and M. I originally thought that when I heard the song the firs time, but especially after hearing it after he and I talked in person. So crazy, this life.

You go listen to the song, reread what I said about our convo and tell me that shit doesn’t give you chills. #craycray

Songs I’m Loving Lately

Haunted was featured on the trailer for Fifty Shades. It’s very raw and sexual. Naturally I like it.

This song – it will be played at my wedding. It is dripping with sweetness.

I discovered Ella on The Voice. Love this song.

For some reason I just love this song.

I just think Iggy Azalea is such a badass. She would be fun to hang out with.

Sometimes new songs come out that remind you of an ex.

I discovered this song on Nashville.

Not sure if I have posted about this before, but I love this song! Paul was on Idol and is from Alabama. Their voices together are magic. So sad they are getting divorced.

 I can relate to this a lot.

 Look up the lyrics and meaning to this song. Painfully beautiful.

I can’t believe I like this song. Kanye West, Taylor Swift and John Mayer are the only musicians that have annoying personalities but I like their music. Ironically, they all have a personal connection.

I thought this SNL skit was hilarious. “There’s a new medicine on the market for those affected by vertigo after discovering they love Taylor Swift.”

After watching Lorde perform this on the AMA’s I wanted to listen to it more. It found it’s way onto my playlist.

Randoms

I can identify with too many of these – Short People Problems

In the past year I’ve noticed the number of people in unhappy marriages increase. This is interesting. As well as this.  (Divorce rate for a woman who gets married before the age of 29 is 80%. For men, it’s 72%. The average age for couples going through their very first divorce is 30.)

 

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Has anyone tried this? I’ve heard good things about the Living Proof line, but nothing about this product.

I can’t believe we lost two great comedians recently. Heaven should be a lot funnier with those two.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card. – Joan Rivers

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Weekly Roundup and Random Things

Check out this post: My boobs don’t need your husband to see them: or, you probably think this pic is about you. The author of the original post is just an idiot. An insecure idiot. And their are other idiot women that agree with her. Wow. No words.

Along those same lines, I found this post, 27 times porn lied to us about sex in the real world, rather funny.

SO glad I found this post, Dear Men: This Is Why Women Have Every Right To Be Disgusted With Us, because yessssss, this is the shit women deal with!!!

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I saw this on Lauren’s blog and thought I’d do it as well.

32 things that make me happy


1. laughing
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2. My fur baby
 
3. friends
 
4. Brunch
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5. Spring and summer

6. sleeping in
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7. Scandal
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8. finding funny pictures
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9. when i fill in my eyebrows perfectly. yes, im that vain.
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10. new makeup
 
11. facials, mani/pedi, massages. There’s just something about being pampered and rubbed that I really enjoy.
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12. Guac
 
13.  relaxing at the pool
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14. days off work!

15. fireworks
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16. Fresh flowers
 
17. when i wake up in a good mood

18. feeling skinny
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19. being productive
 
20. making lists 🙂
 
21. Chick-fil-a
 
22. Sparkles. 
If it shines, I want it. 
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23. The beach.
The smell, the feel, the warmth.
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24. adventure
 
25. men that wear cologne.
One of my neighbors seems to rarely be home. When he is, I can tell because he leaves a trace of cologne behind. ahhhh! I dont know him at all, but that smell.
 
26. freshly shaven everything.
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27. orgasms.
what?
 
28. Cupcakes.
Mine all mine. Not yours.
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29. Traveling.
 
30. completing things on my bucket list
 
31. Candles.
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32. facial scruff
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What Daughters Wish Their Daddies Knew

Saw this on The Bert Show and thought I’d share.

What Daughters Wish Their Daddies Knew:

1. How you love me is how I will love myself.
2. Ask how I am feeling and listen to my answer, I need to know you value me before I can understand my true value.
3. I learn how I should be treated by how you treat my mom, whether you are married to her or not.
4. If you are angry with me, I feel it even if I don’t understand it, so talk to me.
5. Every time you show grace to me or someone else, I learn to trust God a little more.
6. I need to experience your nurturing physical strength, so I learn to trust the physicality of men.
7. Please don’t talk about sex like a teenage boy, or I think it’s something dirty.
8. When your tone is gentle, I understand what you are saying much better.
9. How you talk about female bodies when you’re “just joking” is what I believe about my own.
10. How you handle my heart, is how I will allow it to be handled by others.
11. If you encourage me to find what brings joy, I will always seek it.
12. If you teach me what safe feels like when I’m with you, I will know better how to guard myself from men who are not.
13. Teach me a love of art, science, and nature, and I will learn that intellect matters more than dress size.
14. Let me say exactly what I want even if it’s wrong or silly, because I need to know having a strong voice is acceptable to you.
15. When I get older, if you seem afraid of my changing body, I will believe something is wrong with it.
16. If you understand contentment for yourself, so will I.
17. When I ask you to let go, please remain available; I will always come back and need you if you do.
18. If you demonstrate tenderness, I learn to embrace my own vulnerability rather than fear it.
19. When you let me help fix the car and paint the house, I will believe I can do anything a boy can do.
20. When you protect my femininity, I learn everything about me is worthy of protecting.
21. How you treat our dog when you think I’m not watching tells me more about you than does just about anything else.
22. Don’t let money be everything, or I learn not to respect it or you.
23. Hug, hold, and kiss me in all the ways a daddy does that are right & good & pure. I need it so much to understand healthy touch.
24. Please don’t lie, because I believe what you say.
25. Don’t avoid hard conversations, because it makes me believe I’m not worth fighting for.

 

annnnd now I understand why I have all the issues I do. whomp whomp

All Of Me

I love this song. John Legend wrote it for his wife. She has said that when she first heard it, she bawled. If a man that I loved wrote this for me, I would too!

I love the first verse..

“What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You’ve got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
What’s going on in that beautiful mind
I’m on your magical mystery ride
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright”

If you live under a rock don’t know who she is, a great example of her smart mouth can be found here. I personally find her refreshing. She’s prob the only celeb that doesn’t filter her thoughts.

Weekly Roundup

Do married men gain weight so they don’t cheat?

This..

Awesome.

If you have a unique name, you should check this out.

People are idiots.

Happy V Day

 

 

Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a some e card..

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5 Love Languages

I took the 5 love languages quiz to find out what my love languages were. Of course I’m two of them because I’m high maintenance. Typical. Here are the two I got:

Quality Time

 

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

 

Physical Touch

 

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Well, at least that explains why my last relationship didn’t work out. Take the quiz here.

Grammys

I’m a little late on my Grammy post. I’ve been working my ass off at work. Thank God there was a snow day yesterday and I was able to catch up on some of my DVR…

If you watched the Grammys you say Bey and Jay open the show.

So many people are bashing her because it was 8PM and she should be a role model. Uh, do you not remember Brit, Madonna and Christina kissing a few years ago, or Miley accepting an award talking about smoking pot, or her performance with Robin Thicke? Bey looked hot! Reminded me of the time I performed a lap dance for a bf. Only Bey doesn’t get nervous in front of a crowd. The song is called Drunk In Love and she performed it with her husband. Haters gone hate.

Another amazing performance was Kendrick Lamar with Imagine Dragons. Wow.

Even if you don’t like the music, you have to appreciate the show they put on. They brought it.

Another performer that brought it, Pink. Home girl has one impressive body. I can’t even imagine how much strength she has to be able to do that.

I can’t forget to mention Maclemore, Ryan Lewis, Mary Lambert and Madonna featuring Queen Latifah. Wow. Talk about going down in history. I saw an interview that Ryan Lewis gave saying that his sister was one of the couples that got married. How awesome. Also, did you catch Keith Urban with tears? Love!

V Day

Or what I like to refer to as my day. 😀 If you’re in a normal relationship, I think it’s safe to assume that you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day. In order to do that, you should probably better show up with gifts. Here are some sure-fire ways to ensure you get some. These should all be a no brainer, but sometimes men are stupid. Just being honest.

Lingerie

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The Mesh & Lace Corset is a good idea. I browsed VS and I was a little disappointed in their selection. You could always settle for a lacy bra and panty.

Chocolate

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Godiva is always a good way to go. You can’t go wrong with a Godiva truffle or chocolate covered strawberry.

Jewelry

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Kendra Scott is a great place for jewelry. They have a ton of items to choose from and you can also customize pieces like I did in this picture. If that doesn’t work for you, you can’t go wrong with diamonds.

Flowers

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I love this arrangement. It has everything.. pops of color, roses and my personal favorite, those lilies.

This is also pretty. I am a big fan of the square vases with the leaves wrapped around. This is when it comes in handy to know her favorite flowers. Of course you can’t ever go wrong with roses. Bonus points for sending her flowers to the office.

As a general rule, the more items you show up with, the higher your chances are of getting the good stuff. And I don’t just mean sex. The. Good. Stuff. Just don’t wait around last minute. The best items are always picked over if you do!

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If you can’t afford anything, make her a card. Yes, make. As long as its sweet and thoughtful, you’re golden.

Happy

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It’s true what they say, the older you get the wiser you become.

Some people choose to stick by decisions they’ve made, being unhappy, than to be happy. I understand to an extent because there are so many unknowns that can terrify you. I think that if you have faith that everything will work out, it will. Taking that leap however, is the first step. It’s not an easy one, but I don’t think it should be.

I know of too many couples that are together “for the kids” or because getting married is “the next step”. Both of which, I do not agree with.

Kids are much more perceptive than adults realize. They pick up on things. They mimic things. If you have an unhappy marriage, your kids pick up on tiny details and they know. Not only do they know, they think the relationship you have with your partner is normal. Which is not normal. I personally believe that it’s better for kids to see each parent happy, even if they are apart.

I think there are many factors as to why people aren’t in happy marriage. Mostly, I think they settled and/or they didn’t wait to marry the right person for them.

I found out recently that an acquaintance of mine drinks half a bottle of Jack a night because that’s the only way she knows how to handle her life. She is young, beautiful, smart and extremely unhappy. On the outside she has the picture perfect family. Finding out this information made me sad for her. Why would you do that to yourself? Why would you allow yourself to be unhappy for the rest of your life?

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As ready as I think I am to get married, God is telling me that I’m not. For me, it’s never been about getting married, but about finding that person that challenges me, loves me unconditionally, thinks the world of me and vice versa.

Remember when I posted about Eric & Jessie? I watched their wedding episode. It was nothing short of amazing. They are clearly in love with each other. I love that she became so overwhelmed with emotion when she opened her wedding present from Eric. That to me, is what real love is all about. The way they are together.

 

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Medium

To read my first post click here.
When Ashley and I went to the medium/psychic, I knew I would want to record what she said or have Ashley write it down. I knew I’d be in the moment and by the time I left I wouldn’t remember a lot of what she said, especially if I was focusing on one particular thing.
She started off with a prayer and then went right into it… She did most of the talking and she stated facts without asking a lot of questions. If she asked a question, she would press on before I could answer, and she was always correct. Here’s how it went..
Her: Are you moving?
Me: noooo..
Her: They are showing me marriage. They don’t usually push that this early in.. You will meet someone in 4-6 months, dark hair, about 5’10”, broad hands, strong, muscular arms. Possibly a wedding next fall? I see you holding hands. He has on a plaid button down shirt.
As far as your career…you feel like you have hit a dead end, want change. You are creative with many things.. clothes, furniture, people? Mental health field possibly…a counselor?  You must follow your dreams to reach your greatness. (Then she says that Ashley, who went first, and I are both very altruistic and parallel…like sisters, we’ve shared many lifetimes and roles together.) You would be good at writing, art therapy.
Her: Do friends come to you asking for relationship advice?
Me: yes.
Her: You give good advice don’t you?
Me: yes.
Her: Good, I don’t like when people try to act like they aren’t good at something. You’re more of a people person and sterile offices are not for you. You would be good working with abused children/women.
Her: Has someone close to you been abused?
Me: Yes..me.
Her: Okay, my guides told me it was you, but I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. It happened in your childhood and you tend to judge yourself by this. It’s very powerful and makes you feel unworthy of being loved, you see it as your fault, but you were powerless. Your father is here. He loves you greatly and says he is sorry. This is actually a great blessing for you because it will lead you to your greatness. It will be your motivation to help others, and you will have an understanding of how they operate, see them through the therapy process. You have empathy for them.  This has set you up for your destiny.  You are sad for the child of your past, and sad for the adult you are now, but to reach your higher self work, you must forgive the perpetrator.  I want you to understand this, before we come to earth, we choose our parents… You needed someone to play the mother that looks the other way and the father that does the deed. It has caused a great disquiet.  The man that is back there, is your father.  He is pointing at himself saying he did it, he is crying and saying he is sorry. He is professional, good looking, sandy brown hair, kept himself up, nice hands, he is so sorry he couldn’t make it right with you before he died.  He feels guilty still.  He came to you recently in a dream.
Do you have a temper?  He came to you at work to keep you from losing your temper and he brought love to you at work. Your guides and angels are your team and they help you to work out your blueprint and keep you safe.  He was there in your office and he will be there for you.  You were saying “how was I able to calm down?”  It was because of him.  He brought angels with him. He was standing to your left because he wanted his hand near your heart. He had his hand on your shoulder.
The past is not an accident and because of it, you are a great listener but you shut yourself down so you don’t have to feel other’s pain.  You are an “empath” and feel like sometimes the pain that other’s feel is too hard to handle, but you need to give in to it. It is a great gift.
Your dad wants you to find peace with this.  She (the medium/psychic) can see me meditating, like with white lights, call in my team, also archangel Rapheal, candles, chakras, flower of lotus.  It is like a trap door…call him to you, tell him  you forgive him and you love him and thank him for what he has set up for you.
You will work with some horrific cases of abuse.  People benefit from forgiving others.  Your dad says you are a chip off the old block and he adores you.
I asked about the significance to number 32. I saw the number as a cloud on the way to his burial or funeral. Your dad is laughing, he said it is a puzzle.  She doesn’t get anything.  He tells her you are worried about him.  Sadness of grief, more at that time and you feel a lack of closure.  He says don’t worry we’ll both be ok and both will have peace. It is the combination of 3 and 2 into 5 or something.  Nothing stands out to her. Is it a date or and age or the 32nd something? March 2?  5 letters in word never.  5 words in phrase…you will never be alone.  Your adult life you have felt very alone.  You told him you want him to walk you down the aisle.  He will be at your wedding.  His spirit is very protective of you.  He says it (the number) is a date.

Me: Will I have kids?

Her: You are asking because you think that is what a woman “should” do.  You will be in a great relationship and it will be easy for you not to have kids if you don’t want to have them.  You will become so involved in your work and you don’t have a hard and fast contract to have kids.  You will get your fulfillment from work and won’t experience any regret about not having children, but you may wind up adopting…possibly an abused child.  Not a blood relation and you will bring them up in a right and better situation.  No strong need for you to have a child from your womb.  Don’t push yourself to have kids. Your ambivilence about children could be because you will adopt.

 

and that was that. everything that she said happened truly did. which blew me away. ..

Finding Happiness

This. Is. Perfection.

 

Finding Happiness In Your 20s

I Do

How amazing is this song?!

Weekly Roundup

Sometimes I have a whole bunch of cool things to share and they don’t necessarily need a whole post. I am going to attempt to start a Weekly Roundup with those items in it. Have a great weekend!

 

{1} This post about marriage.

{2} 27 Underrated Things About Being In Your 30s

{3} Couldn’t agree more with this post on Thoughts on Parenthood from a Childless Girl

{4} 11 Life Hacks for the Emotionally Struggling 20-Something

Game On

I think it’s safe to say I’m obsessed with Jessie James and her husband, Eric Decker. I’ve been watching their show on E! and I think they are the CUTEST couple ever. He plays for the Broncos and she is a singer. You may remember this song of hers..

I think she’s hilarious and I love how she speaks her mind. Like when she says to her mom, “I think he [Eric] shot a sperm in me last night.” hahaha! Then her mom is only concerned that the wedding dress won’t fit. Love it!

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She loves cake as much as I do!

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She has a yorkie! And that’s just funny..

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A convo Sydney (her younger sister) posted on IG. Dying!!

I love that he was so pumped about being a dad (before they got preg). They showed him washing their labs in the tub and he was picking out “hangers” from their butts. That’s love. I’ve totally had to do that before, and it’s not fun. Part of the job though!

They are a pair after my own heart!

 

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She is currently preg with their first kid. That kid will either be the best looking kid ever. I kind of want to be her, is that weird? I’ll just take her legs though, I wish I had those legs!

Happy Birthday To My Other Half

My other half as in, the woman that is always there for me, even that one time when we didn’t talk for 2 years.  Oopsies.

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The woman that knows what I mean when I say “blood is not thicker than water”, because she has also been there, and doesn’t try to change my opinion.

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The woman that understands and listens to me when I talk about my childhood relationship with my dad. How he beat me was never the amazing father, how I always wanted that awesome father/daughter relationship, because her childhood was similar.

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The woman that understands what it feels like to walk in on your bf/fiance cheating on you, because it happened to her, a year earlier, in the same house.

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The woman that drove an hour to pick me up from said house, kicked her husband out of bed, and talked with me all night long and the next day because I called her in shock immediately after it happened.

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The woman that you know any man would be lucky if she picks him because she loves sex, loves football, and is a strong independent woman, just like you.

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The woman that you packed an entire house for because you knew she needed to move.

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The woman that you thought was intimidating when you first met her.

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The woman that you share every tiny detail with.

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The woman that is inspiring because she seems like she can do everything.

The woman that is inspiring because she tries to do everything.

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The woman that understands precisely what I mean when I say I hate my small town I’m from.

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The woman that drives you crazy because she over analyzes things just as much as you do.

The woman that is a replica of you, just 3 years older and brunette.

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The woman that has completely opposite taste in men from you.

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The woman that tells you “we will make a plan” when you are freaking out because you are questioning so many things in your present life.

The woman that will drive 3 hours to be with you at your dad’s visitation because she knows what it’s like to lose a parent, but can’t actually come because she caught pink eye. ha!

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The woman that will spend 9 hours with you, 6 of those in a car, helping you pack up your dad’s house.

The woman that will finish your sentences or say your thoughts out loud.

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The woman that you know you can say anything to and vice versa because you both have each others best interests at heart.

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The woman that knows what it’s like to have a crush on a co-worker.

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The woman that completely understands my relationship with M because she has been there before.

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The woman that Bentley feels comfortable around. If you know what a baby my dog is, this is huge.

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The woman that currently will get all of my retirement money if anything happens to me before I marry.

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The woman that will have a baby for me, if I decide to, because I don’t want to jack up my body and because I’m selfish.

The woman that understands how important it is to maintain yourself because she’s thinks so too.

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The woman that supports and encourages you even though she may not agree with you, because that’s just what friends do.

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The woman that I am lucky enough to call my best friend, which doesn’t seem to do justice to what she really means to me.

Mascara Alert

I heard this story on my favorite morning radio show last week. A 96 year old man wrote a love song to the love of his life, his late wife. SO SWEET!!!

 

A Letter From Fred from Green Shoe Studio on Vimeo.

Shadow Theatre Group

This performance was on Britain’s Got Talent 2013. This is such an amazing video.

 

1 year

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About a month ago one of my friends I’d lost touch with contacted me. She’s one of those special people that you can spend 2 hours talking to and time seems to stand still. Abbi is one of the most incredible and uplifting people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. She just has this gift with how she speaks to you. She and I talked a good bit when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer. When we talked one of the first nights a month ago, she told me that even though we’d lost touch she wanted me to know that she continued to pray for me.

I told her about the first dream I had about my dad, which was in his house a few days after he passed away. In my dream he pointed at me while he was smiling wide and said “We will dance.” Just having the dream itself meant so much to me. I thought that it was his special way of reaching out to me because as a child we watched Footloose and The Sound of Music a lot.  I remember seeing a picture of him when I was little of him dancing on top of a table. I get it from him, what can I say? I never really thought much else about it until I was telling Abbi about it. As we were talking about the last few moments with my dad, I mentioned to her that as I was holding his hand I told him all I’d ever wanted was for him to walk me down the aisle. Even though he couldn’t talk at that point, he squeezed my hand. At that moment I burst into tears. It meant so much to me that what I said to him meant something to him as well, and that he understood what I said. Less than 10 minutes later, he was gone.

Abbi told she was absolutely sure that my dream was him telling me that we would dance at my wedding. I think that hit me so hard I didn’t really know how to react until a day later when I cried because it meant so much and I was positive she was right.

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Isn’t it funny how things like that happen? That’s God doing his magic right there. There was such a feeling of peace that came over me after it finally hit me.

It’s hard to believe it’s been one year.

Dad I think about you every day. Most of the time I think about funny stories about you, or funny things you did, even things you would do and I would be so embarrassed about. I completely understand them now, because I am you almost to a T. (ha! T. His name begins with a T.) I am proud that I get 90% of my personality from you. Sometimes I long for the relationship we could have had, but I am happy that we were able to make up for lost time in 7 days. I love seeing you in my dreams, that will never get old. I had the fear of not remembering your laugh or your “hey” when you answered the phone. I hope those are things I never forget. I still hear your voice as clear as day when I think about you, and for that I am so grateful. I love you!

Being Single and Being Awesome

I came across this post on fellow ATLian Whitney’s blog. She highlights some reasons you should be happy you’re young and single.

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  1. You can be selfish
  2. You have time to figure yourself out and what you want
  3. You can figure out what your deal breakers are

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Check out her post! I agreed with all of it. As much as I’m ready to settle down, it’s nice to be reminded that I can do whatever I want without having to take into consideration anyone else.

10 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

This blog caught my attention as I was browsing The Little Things We Do. I’m not married but I do intend to be in the next couple of years. These are simple little things that I thought were great ways to help protect your marriage. I will say that I think half of the battle of affair-proofing is marring the right person. Here are her tips.

 

1. Keep dating

2. Have sex

3. Take the time to touch

4. Put effort into your appearance

5. Maintain a bit of mystery

6. Be open and honest

7. Set clear boundaries

8. Talk

9. Share in each other’s lives

10. Check in

 

Click on the link at the top to read the full description of each!

Dear Future Hubby

Dear Future Hubs:

 
There a few things I hope that you know and can learn accept about me. I have prayed for you for an eternity a loooooooong time. (6+ years)
In no particular order…
I will secretly pray that you have dark hair and light eyes. Such a sucker.
…If I decide to have kids, I really want a daughter that looks like my mini me. Just one.
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…I want you to love her so much it hurts your heart. Show her what a relationship between a husband and wife should be, so that she looks for that too.
…I hope you enjoy sleeping as much as I do. That way we can have lazy Sundays together. Saturdays too, maybe? If you aren’t naturally a sleepy person, just understand that I am, and don’t complain. :)
…Know that when we are married and have little ones, I still need and crave your attention.
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….Know that sometimes I just need to be picked up and held. If I’m mad at you, this is a good way to make me less mad. Especially if you start covering me with kisses.
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….Be playful with me, like I am with you. It will help keep our marriage strong.
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…I treat my dog like I birthed him. You don’t have to love him on the same level, just love him and be sweet. This is essential.
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….I need you to accept the fact that I don’t know a lot of older songs or movies. Same goes for car stuff and sports. Understand that I didn’t have a dad to teach me these things. If you want to teach me and help me discover some of these things, I will be happy to learn.
….I enjoy traveling. Let’s go somewhere!
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….I love shoes, dresses and jewelry. When I run out of room in the closet, I still won’t have enough. I will always shop for a bargain, unless it’s a classic that I know will last for years.  If it’s a big purchase, of course I will consult with you first. Bonus points if you bring home new shoes for me.
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 ….I will think of you a LOT during the day. Don’t be surprised if you see texts from me or cute pictures that make me laugh. It’s only because I think you will appreciate it too.
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….While I am thinking of you, understand that if you mention you like something, chances are that I will buy it for you. Making you happy makes me happy.
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…I can’t promise that anything I ever cook will be good. I can only promise that I will try. If it sucks, we can get takeout.
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….I like to do fun things. Life is full of adventure if you look for it. Concerts, road trips, the fair, a walk in the park..

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…I have prayed that you love God the same way that I do. That you will have a heart like mine. That you will want to give, give, give and love people. No matter what.
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…Sometimes on a random day in the middle of the week, I’ll feel like having champagne. Just go with it.
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 …I will love you completely, without fail, neverending, but I will sometimes be hard to live with. I will get mad at you for leaving your clothes or papers lying around, or waking me early on a weekend.
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…And you will know that no matter what, even if you don’t fit anything on this list, you were the love story that God wrote for me, I will love you from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. The rest of these things are just an added bonus.

xoxo

the One

A friend of mine sent me this last week and it hit me like a ton of bricks stuck with me. HELLO that’s why it hasn’t worked out with anyone so far – they didn’t fit with me like a puzzle piece. I needed to completely change how I was praying.

 

These are great points to remember as we wait for the man God brings to us and seek discernment in dating….
 
 
Is HE the ONE? THE RIGHT ONE
 
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one.
 
“What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third?” you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).
 
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)!
 
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
 
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.
 
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.
 
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.
 
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts..
 
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?
 
You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.
 
You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.
 
Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.
 
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
 
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.
 
Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
 
Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.
 
At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy!
 
Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.
 
Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill . You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.
 
You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again – WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
 
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart . A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
 
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
 
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
 
6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
 
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments –including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
 
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.
 
A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
 
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
 
9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
 
This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.
 
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!
 
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
 
10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.  A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.
 
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.
 
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.
 
Our prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father God,

I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me.

I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
 
Ladies this is something you should definitely share with a friend, whether you are single or married… It is something to think about, When you ask is “He” the one!

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